I decided it was time to come out of the closet after being married for 20 years and raising two beautiful children. I discovered Crystal in the bath house and it made me feel younger and alive - as long as I had the Vitamin V I could have sex for hours. I was high, so I didn't use a condom every time and I ended up catching HIV. They found out about it at work and I lost my job for poor performance - although I think it was discrimination.
The drugs were the only friend I had so I just did them all the time and my savings dwindled. I installed video cameras in the hallway because I was sure that people were watching me - and I only slept about every five days. I wasn't treating my HIV and after a few months I ended up in the hospital. When they found out I was a drug addict they just treated me like shit. I tried to jump out a window and kill myself so they strapped my down in the psych ward.
Luckily a guy from a 12 step program came to talk to me and he asked me if I were licked this time. I conceded and just fell apart - my life had been such a nightmare the last few years. He told me that if I didn't treat my addiction first I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything else and that made sense to me. I did some inpatient at a public treatment center and got a month of clean time under my belt.
It has been a long road to rebuild my life, I relapsed several times - I had no clue that drugs could do so much damage to me.
I found a fellowship in the recovery program that I had never had in my life. As long as I was willing to put my sobriety first and show up I felt really safe surrounded by these guys. My HIV is in remission and I am doing a little dating now but I always put my sobriety first.